Give us the thing you’re brave enough to question.
Upload a resume, LinkedIn or dating profile, startup pitch, landing page, outfit, room, or ride. Add context and tell us where the line is.
ResumeProfilePitchWebsiteOutfitApartment
Paid roasts · useful criticism
Your thing called. It needs a roast.
Submit your resume, profile, pitch, website, or questionable life choice. We’ll turn brutally honest feedback into something funny, useful, and ready to share.
Human-edited. Consent-first. Mean enough to be funny—not cruel.
Sample verdict
“Your bio has the confidence of a keynote and the specificity of a horoscope.”
The roast pact
Sharp jokes. Zero cheap shots.
01
A person checks every punchline
Every roast gets a human editing pass for clarity, comedy, and actual usefulness.
02
Your submission stays yours
We only publish a roast when you explicitly give permission. Private means private.
03
You leave with next steps
Behind every joke is a concrete fix, so your resume, profile, or pitch comes back stronger.
From cringe to content
Send the evidence. We’ll handle the damage.
We find the joke—and the fix.
Specific observations become quotable punchlines, backed by practical critique you can actually use.
Receive a post-ready artifact.
Get a polished graphic or video built for the group chat, feed, or private character development.
Pick your pain level
Affordable emotional damage.
Start small or put your whole brand on the operating table.
Quick Burn
$5
One focused text roast
A punchy critique, 3 practical fixes, and a shareable graphic card
Full Roast
Most roastable$15
The complete graphic treatment
A deeper roast, 7 actionable fixes, and a polished multi-card share pack
On Camera
$50
A delivered video roast
A scripted, edited short video plus a written improvement checklist
Founder Intervention
$200
Your whole business, examined
Pitch, website, positioning, and offer reviewed in one comprehensive roast
Available roast sessions
Book a live offering below when sessions are available.
Ready when your ego is
You already know what needs checking.
Send it over. We’ll make the truth funny enough to hear—and useful enough to act on.